Day 17 January 31, 2010 Crystal Springs

Finally! The day before solo.

I have never been more excited to spend three days totally alone!

I have come the conclusion that I am allergic to some people.

Let’s just agree to disagree.

Shall we…?

Now, sitting by the stream

I am languishing my toes

in the cool water

Earlier, I hugged a cottonwood

tree, and I swear it hugged

me back

Standing on its exposed

roots in the shallow stream

its bark was almost velvety

as I laid my cheek against

its grey face

closing my eyes I breathed deep,

            arms tight around its trunk.

Smelling the pungent odor of

            wood, wet wood

Giggling I looked up to its bare

branches and murmured,

“I guess I really am a Tree Hugger.” 

Day 16 Saturday January 30 Whisky Springs Camp

Glitter Divas decked out with Jojoba leaves in our hair and battle scares of brush scratches on our arms, we greeted our sister group with open hearts and smiling faces.

Walking through the sentinels of

Century Plants 

I run my hand along their smooth stems and they appear like rainbows.

Goodnight to this day – embrace the dawn. 

Day 15 Friday January 29 Full Moon

Camped at White Water Spring. Walked through a forest of Cholla and crossed streams paved with river rocks. Now, the setting sun, lights up the green mountain. The lichen shines bright in the rays and I am content. Blue skies with scattered clouds. I feel like a character from Elf Quest, set in the Land Before Time infused with Avatar enthusiasm.

Wasabi peas are The Shit!

A conglomeration

A parody

A hypocrity

            of plant life and wild life converge in this desert

Next to running streams gather Saguaro, and Cottonwood trees

alike

A melting pot of dynamics

            play off each other like people in a big city

Everything goes out here –

spikes, thorns, spines, moss,

soft, wet, hard, lush, smooth,

round, sharp, angular

We all gather under this full

moon to dance the dance of the Earth

Bowing our heads and lifting our

            arms, we rejoice in this playfulness

God surly is smiling to see us

coexisting 

Laughing even at our hurried ways

Let’s play today

            and think tomorrow

Let’s breathe right now

            and sigh another day

As the sun sinks low behind the

hill, let’s remember those that

came before, and the ones that

will come after

Linger on that golden ray of sun

and let it light a spark

in your deepest of hearts

Whisper your prayer into the

            listening ear of the land

Find a rock, a tree, a cactus

            it will listen, if you listen

To your heart you must be true

Wonder and amazement never

cease unless you

cease

So keep on my friends – let’s

            laugh for that is the

best remedy! 

Day 14 Thursday January 28 Layover Day at Boulder Canyon

Wilderness.  Wild

Wild like New York City. La. Tokyo. Paris. San Paulo. Mumbai.

Wilderness. Wild.

Wild like the rough rocks of the Grand Canyon. The Peaks of the Himalayas. The Pacific Ocean. The Outback of Australia.

Wilderness. Wild.

Thoughts in my head run like mustangs through synapses and circuits.

…

Surrounded by beauty in its natural form and fart jokes in their crudest of terms – I am faced with the ultimate question – What am I doing here?

Buddha became enlightened beneath a tree, next to a river.

I wonder if I could so the same under a cactus beside a creek…?

…

Tik Tik-tik Tik Tik Tik-tik-tik

Rain again, yet this time softer,

warmer, a little more friendly

Green eyes stare at me from

under the midd

Green eyes of the budding grass and

            seedlings sprouting from all the moisture

One drop at a time lingers on the

            edge of the nylon

Slipping off, it falls and seeps into

            the ground, soaked

Laughter comes from the kitchen area

            low voices from the tent behind

            soft breathing and the occasional

            page turning from the sleeping bag

            next to me

What a glorious life we live

Each mind for itself

Each heart open wide

Every soul as one

Join hands and raise your

            heads –

Let’s howl at the moon

            in raucous, joyous wonder

…

PM After dinner…

Mac and cheese, around the fire after the desert rain storm. Earlier I got the hair-brained idea to go for a swim and persuaded Jane to come with me. We both stripped and waded, naked, into the frigid water. Splashing my face and back, dunking my hair I finally submerged myself. Nose plugged, eyes squeezed shut, breath held, I let the water wash over me.

Screaming with delight and gasping for air I waded to the surface and hopped to the rock. Giggling we stood there, not shivering. The air felt warm and almost balmy. I said, “I’m going in again, once more for good measure – round two ­­– this one’s for my dad!” Holding my breath, I dunked.

Getting out and drying off – just then it started to drizzle and then pour! What an experience! My hair feels like hair and I feel like a whole new woman!

Day 13 Wednesday January 27 2010 First Night in the Superstition Mountains

Three-mile hike to Boulder Canyon beneath Battleship Mountain.

The Desert speaks a different language than the Canyon.

Softer, subtler, yet more familiar.

Sun, cactus, spines everywhere, scattered thunderstorms and green, green, green rocks through streams, over creeks, mud, and bamboo.

Now, we sit around purple flames discussing the Wilderness.

“The greatest beauty

is organic wholeness,

the wholeness of life and things,

the divine beauty of the universe.

Love that, not man apart from that…”

–      Robin Jeffers

Day 12 January 26 Tuesday Re-supply Base Camp

Today, hot and dry. At Don's Camp with the three other groups. God it feels good to be warm! 

Yesterday we climbed Mount Everest – not really, but that what is feels like… still. Jakob and Alwyne once again proved their worth as the world’s best leaders. Tunneling through waist deep snow that topped six feet in some places – I felt useless! Freezing my ass off as they got us through – All I could do was keep myself warm, and keep my mouth shut. They were the heroes in my mind. I was merely holding space for them to get us UP and OUT. There was no doubt in my mind that they would deliver us safely from that snowy precipice. We would ascend that day, one way or another. I guess trusting counts for something…

Now, back in the desert, Saguaro cactus line the horizon and the sun beats down upon my bare shoulders – I wonder, was that real? The second largest storm to hit Arizona since 1969, and we were IN IT! “It feels great to feel alive!” Shouts Alwyne as she plows through yet another bank of snow. Yes indeed, it feels great to feel alive! 

Day 8 January 22 Friday Hance Rapids

Hiking the Escalante Route.

Tomorrow we’ll be on the Tonto East Trail. Heading West. 

Tonight, camped at the base of Red Canyon.

Being outside, especially for an extended amount of time, breaks me down, then builds me backup again. Today, one week into this thing, and I feel stronger – my muscles more toned, my feet more sturdy. And yet, part of me is softer. My heart, my soul, my being is more relaxed, more settled, more content. Even if I feel a little cold, and wet, and rainy, I am slowly coming back to me. Like my good friend Lisa put it, “Everyday, I am feeling more alive.”

Being present in the moment. Hearing the roar of the rapids on the river, fills my head, sinks into my skin, and takes root. Even the dull, steady sprinkling of rain is apart of me – THIS IS ME. I am the Earth, the Earth is I, we are one in the same. It is I. I am all around. Being whittled down to nothing only to be planted, watered, and grown again, with sun and nourishment from this Holy Canyon Country. I am loosing sense of time. The days defined only by our rituals of morning meals, daily hikes, and evening nesting. I am loosing sense of time, but not of space. I am loosing sense of time, but not of me. Slowly surrendering to being totally and completely part of the group. Slowly melding, meshing, and melting, we become one. One song, one breath, one heart beat. We walk as one. We discover as one, through eight pairs of eyes – We see differently, think differently and will be blown in different directions by the natural force of the wind – but we are all seeds. Seeds from this great tree of life, with different paths, different currents, we may drift to all corners of the Earth, ready to sprout anew, and grow our own tree of life.

Day 7 Rain with an overhang (Thursday)

Passed the other group today.

We were up high, they were down low.

No words exchange, no hugs to be gained.

Waving hands and arms were all that were received.

Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain.

All day long – Rain.

Hiked over and around the side of the canyon. Down through waterfalls, stepping over streams – wet rocks shone like tiny rainbows in the ground.

White. Orange. Purple. Grey. Blue. Yellow. Black.

Snuggle up in my sleeping bag – finally, a little bit more dry.  

Day 6 January 20 Crypto Soil Camp Spot (Wednesday)

No place to poo!

Crypto-biotic soil everywhere! 

Saw the shadow of the moon, heard fish jump in the water. 

Tuesday Day 5 January 19 Saw River Rafters Today (Bad-Ass Camp Spot)

I am thankful for the sun.

The water. Laughter. Good Conversation. Intrigue. Surrounded by beauty. Real Life confronts us in the face. Talk of Living while touching our feelings – a parody on life. Shelter, food, clothing – the norms of living in society. We like to play in nature, so we’re here, trekking through this great canyon, leaving our footprints and our breath and nothing else. Taking heart-pictures we survive as a clan. Naked in our approach, clothed as we came. How can we get back to our childish play? Innocence, laughter, whimsical banter, smiles, and cheer, taste for the unexpected.

Day 4 Monday January 18 Layover day at Camp-Pit-Toilet

Rain. Clouds hang low over the canyon walls and the river rushes on. Rain. Wet. Damp. Nothing dries. I send a prayer that tomorrow there is no rain. Please, please Mother Earth, please shed some light on your children. Rest day today. Polenta for breakfast, hummus and bagels for lunch with almonds… I’m hungry for dinner and tired of rain.

So much clutters my thoughts. This is me, yes even the rain. It is cleansing and wet. Rain. I am thankful for this mid – keeping our shit dry. I am thankful for the company, for we are all in this together. I am thankful for no more snow. Embrace the rain little sun baby, and sing praises to The Mother for this blessing of water in the desert. Do not despair, for this too shall pass.

That life of glamour, and glitter, wealth, fame and fortune. Being here, in this Grand Canyon, with these beautiful people feeds my soul. But what about the starving children in Africa, India, China, even here in the US? What IS IT for them? Am I just privelaged that I should lead such a life? Is Nature able to heal a broken home, a cancerous society, an unborn child, a malnourished family? Am I such an idealist that I get a chance to see such a beautiful place? What about the children in the inner-city? What about the patients in the hospital? How can Nature heal them?

As I curl up in my sleeping bag, resisting the urge to pee and avoiding the rain outside, I hide in my head – No, I express only here, on paper, what struggles arise for me. My hand is cramping and a plane hums overhead – what will I do to make great changes, to DO great things?

Later that afternoon… 

I like the feeling of carrying a pack on my back – it makes me feel like I can do anything. It makes me feel expansive! It makes me proud to be in this body, with these legs and feet, that will again, tomorrow, have to walk along the river bank, in search of the next exquisite site to set down roots and grow overnight into a bud, a bush, a flower, a tendril of dew drenched thorns. I am one, I am all, I am the rain, wet and supple, I am the rock, hard and solid, I am the sand, soft and giving, I am the trees drinking in the lushness of it all. Thank you feet, and legs and back and shoulders and neck, for carrying me safely to this oasis of soul-food.

Day 3 Sunday January 17 Yoga, long walk/short walk

Down in the canyon, by the water, with sand under my feet. A crescent moon and one star reflect the light of the sun that blessed us today as we descended the steep, rocky surface – down the rainbow staircase of white, red, and green. I dip my hands into the Colorado River, washed my face, running that cleansing, healing water into my bones. If rainbows had an end to that colorful arc, this would be the place. With a myriad of tie-dyed rocks, and kaleidoscope colors, this is that pot of gold. I am thankful for the small uphills after the toe-crushing downhills of the last two days.

Saturday Day 2 January 16 Camp on the Ridge

Snow. Two miles down, a tango lesson taught by moi, peanut tofu and rice with veggies and (much needed) chocolate for dessert. Camping on the ridge with a full, 360 view of the canyon. Blown open with emotion. Humbled by the terrain, kissing the feet of nature, I weep hot tears of joy and gratitude.

Friday January 15 Day 1 On the Rim

Finally, finally, finally! Two hours to the Grand Canyon, one pee break, one detour for gas, and one Alan hamburger later (of course it was only 8:52 in the morning), we arrive. I am antsy and ready to get moving! But before we descend, we must see for our selves…

We are led, eyes closed, senses alert, inching forward to what anticipation could not touch.

“Breath deep,” came Jakob’s voice, “listen to your heart, feel with your skin, breath in, breath out, now, open your eyes.”

My eyes slowly opened. I thought I knew what to expect, but what met my gaze brought unexpected tears to my eyes. How could I possibly be touched this deep? The magic it held this time, was not ego driven – it was real, is real, It is right here, right now, those everyday miracles.

Last week was an excerpt from a daily journal I kept while in the wilderness for three weeks. I decided to start at the beginning, so enjoy this piece, and stay tuned for more updates on the past month!

Listen with our eyes. See with our ears. 1/12/10

Listen with your eyes. See with your ears.

A place that seemed so familiar, is suddenly seen anew

Through eyes of wondering beings.

Through fresh eyes and new joys.

Their enthusiasm makes my awe THAT much greater

I take to heart their joy.

I look out over this town I thought I knew so well.

I open my arms and embrace the beauty – both new and old.

Then I shut my eyes.

I see with my ears.

The call of a bird, the wind through the trees, my own breath and my belly rumbles.

I stand, basking in the light of the sun and new discoveries.

There, on the rock beside me, clings a cluster of ladybugs.

Their tiny legs move, so I know they are live –

A pile of one, two, three, soak in the sunlight.

What are they doing up so high on this mountain, in the middle of winter?

Where have they come from, where are they going?

I’d like to know.

I deem myself observer.

I lift my head – my eyes take me a hundred miles away to the San Francisco Peaks,

But my senses keep me here, and present, with the smell of smoldering logs that fills my nose, and the cool breeze that kisses my neck, and the warm sunshine that hugs my back.

There’s nothing like being up high –

The expansiveness one feels.

I am humbled by the sea of green trees, turning into blue mountains,

Stretching out farther to reach the golden meadows of the flat places between.

The vastness never ends, the details ever-present, if you look closely you will see

Four, five six ladybugs…