on speaking from the heart

“Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer.”
–Barbara Kingsolver

I wish I had thought of this first,
but that’s really just my jealous nature speaking
These words speak so true for me
She says what I already innately know, but somehow haven’t figured out yet
I am constantly struggling with saying the right thing
Most of the time, if I don’t have anything useful to say, I won’t say anything at all,
but sometimes I get carried away and don’t think about what I’m saying before I open my mouth
and then it is too late,
and then I am in trouble
Sometimes I think that people expect me to say something great
so the pressure is on,
and my heart is racing,
and I open my mouth,
but nothing escapes my lips ‘cept for an indecipherable guttural gurgle
I’m young and angsty and sometimes I just say things to be sassy or argumentative
I can become over-zealous and righteous for no good reason,
on topics that have little importance to me,
or anyone else for that matter
But mostly I like to talk of real things,
topics of meaning,
things that will draw a connections between listener and speaker
Sometimes I say things just to prove a point,
whether or not they really have any relevance to the situation at hand,
or hold any weight at all
Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts and I can’t make heads or tails of my over-active, incessant mind chatter
I can easily loose myself in imagination, falling down the rabbit hole
I’m not very good at strategizing and I HATE planning ahead
For the most part I am optimistic
I can’t stand superfluous conversations,
so mostly I tend to smile and nod when I can’t be bothered

To figure out what I have to say –
It doesn’t have to be profound,
ground-breaking,
or earth shattering
It simply has to come from the heart