It's been a while...

...But that doesn't been I haven't been writing. Taking a hiatus from my cell phone and only on the web on a "need-to-surf-basis" such as looking for a wedding dress for my best friend, or paroozing YouTube for vidoes on how chickens lay eggs. Yes, image, having chickens and not even know how they lay their eggs! (Mom, if you're reading this, please be gentle on the editing, I'm using a French keyboard, so everything I write comes out underlined in red!)

For lack of attention span, and anctious to go for a swim, I'll be brief: Life is one big fucking cliché and if you want to put things in perspective, go visit someone you haven't seen in a while, fit yourself into THIER life, and don't forget where you came from. There, I said it, time for self observation is a luxury, and if you think you've found God, look agian, because my guess is he's not in that book you're reading, or in that asana you're holding. He's in the lighting that strikes the corn fielf, he's reflected in the soft brown eyes of a baby foal, and The Divine is certainly in the space between words when you tell someone you love them, and mean it.

Venturing into the Unknown

I’ve become Detached,

Now I want to find Devotion

Detachment: objectivity, open-mindedness, neutrality, impartiality; indifference, loosening, disconnection, disengagement, separation; removal.

Removal of emotion from my heart

Separation of material things

Indifference towards death

Open-mindedness when it comes to dealing with others

Loosening my hold on the meaning of life

I have become Detached.

Life: the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death

To change; not by replacing one thing for another, but merely varying the ways of expressing, arranging, doing or being something; entirely transforming.

Transformation: a metamorphosis during the life cycle of an animal.

Cycle: the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth round,

rotation; pattern, rhythm.

Rhythm is the sounds that come from our hearts. The beat to which we dance, the beat to which we let our limbs become akimbo

Akimbo: (of limbs) flung out widely or haphazardly.

When I speak of devotion, I want my arms and legs to be flying wildly.

I want to scream and shout my fidelity from the rooftops.

I want to pledge my allegiance with the fire of knowing love.

Devotion: loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity, constancy, commitment, adherence, allegiance, dedication; fondness, love, admiration, affection, care.

When I speak of devotion, this is what I mean –

To take care of my heart

Affection for the small things

Adherence towards being courageous

Dedication to the ones I love

Consistency in loving unconditionally

Faithfulness when repeating the names of God

Analyze that! I dare you.

I don’t ever want to know it all.

Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Krishna, Confucius, did he know it all?

I’m not comparing myself with God.

That would be too grandiose.

I am god

god is all around me, god is 

consciousness,

not a thing, not a thing to be trifled with

I don’t ever want to know it all.

For then I would be done, done, cooked, finé.

When do we begin to come into our own?

I can see it in his face, no longer a boy, not yet a man.

It’s in the eyes.

When we’ve lost our innocence, but gained something greater.

Wisdom perhaps?

You won’t know until you try.

I need to fall down sometimes, and no! I don’t want your help up… thanks.

The jaw line is a little stronger,

more defined.

The mouth smiles,

but it is set.

The placement of the neck on the shoulders,

is established –

Just don’t get too stuck in your ways, boy.

Remember to lift your head child,

every once in a while, read the signs

remember what they say – pay attention to the details.

I wish I had as much faith as my mother

Who are THEY anyway? Faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or

something; trust, belief, conviction; optimism, hope, hopefulness.

It is not true that we start to die the moment we are born.

I do not believe this.

I believe we begin to die the moment we stop trusting in our ability.

If not me, than who?

STOP JUDGING!

When I can get off it, so can you.

I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.

I didn’t mean to say that, it just slipped out… or did it…?

That’s what makes us human after all –

These darn things, our minds, I don’t mind, mind your mind daughter.

Who knew it would be this hard?

Easy. Who you callin’ easy, chicken?

Chicken? Who you callin’ chicken, dinner?

Dinner?

This is how my mind works – we all

strive to make connections,

sometimes connecting the most

unreasonable things into a necklace that

resembles a ball and chain more then a string of pearls

don’t put yourself in a box, sister

Reaching for identity

I call myself a name, What's in a name?

That which we call a rose


By any other name would smell as sweet

Juliet

speaks to Romeo

The means by which we share

our hearts

Speak of me as I am.

Nothing extenuate,

nor set down aught in malice.

The means by which we relate as humans

Being to being

I trust you.

A Dance, This Dance

Getting to dance with J today.

A sweet dance of contact improvisation

Our bodies matched and complimented

one another

Melding, fitting together, playing with

sharing weight, counter balance,

giving and taking

Experimenting with letting our minds

go

In our 50/50 dance, no one lead,

neither fallowed

A mutual conversation of grace

that was stumbling and

awkward at times, but

all part of the dance.

Tumbling together

Experiencing together

The curves of our bodies

met in space

Leaving our minds behind,

our bodies were free to communicate

Learning the contours of a new dance

Listing with our limbs

Free to share in this dance across

            the floor

With a destination in mind, [the other side of the room], we would

reach it without trying to reach it

Without hesitation I let myself

be carried by the dance

Steps We Take

We walk through life, some choose to

dance, some choose to run, some

choose to merely crawl across the stage that

is this thing we call “life.”

It’s just a word that we give meaning, it’s just a

feeling that we give

significance, it’s just a

state of mind that we choose to indulge.

It’s not

right or

wrong, those too

are simply words.

This path that we walk is not

set in stone, after all, words carved in

stone, are simply words carved in

stone, nothing more nothing less.

I’m not one to tell you how to live your

life, I’m just an observer – a set

of eyes with an

ego and a conscience.

Tonight the moon looks like a neon banana that

someone threw in the sky and

it stuck there, shining

above our heads

Tangible energy surrounds

me in the light and dark of my bones.

I am tired, oh so tired. Wrung out

from trying to give so much

Spread thin like honey

on warm toast.

Not enough jam to reach the edges –

Cut in half, diagonally

I have so many people that love me, remember, please

remember that you are loved by

so many.

The spaces in between

These spaces in between

Empty, filled with nothing. In nothing, there is

space for everything

Sounds familiar?

Well then, just remember

Nothing is missing, but something

has changed

Maybe words are not the best tool to try and discern

my state of being ­– I, I, I want to understand you

I know we cannot be together any longer, but, but, but…

I need a way out! My heart

needs a few answers

Understanding, I grasp at a rocky finger hold – I’m falling from grace.

It’s just a word, it’s just a word, it’s just a WORD!

This is real.

It’s the sound that the

stars make in the sky. It’s the voice of the

coyote

carried by the wingspan of a falcon

As the cycles of the moon came and went…

became something different.

The Big Dipper was six instead of seven – a shift

was necessary

Denial is a masquerade ball, sequins, glitter and all

I take off my mask, nothing to hide,

nothing to obstruct my vision.

This is not my battle, I do not wish to sleigh, I do not

wish to die for love.

You helped me grow, and for that

I am

thankful.

My box-car was momentarily

derailed, now, back on track and who said I even

need a fucking track to ride?

I’ll take this next step barefoot, thank you.