Where do I even start?
This process of growing up
it’s growing pains!
My legs ache just like they did when I was 12
and I would wake up screaming
because my muscles hurt so damn bad.
Just choose.
Make a commitment.
Stop fucking around and just make a decision.
This is about the time where I call my mom
and start crying
because my whole life is
Under pressure
3:15am my eyes open
the light on the clock blinks
back at me
I’m awake and there’s nothing
I can do about it.
This is about the time where I call my mom and ask her to
tell me what to do with my life, my love, and aching in my heart that just
won’t go away.
This is not being an adult, Shinay.
GROW UP!
Part of growing up is making choices.
Just choose a place to be for a year.
No, this is crazy, I’m
afraid of commitment.
Part of growing up is taking responsibility for the bad
days.
Part of growing up is getting off the couch, turning down
the TV and calling up your mom.
It comes in the middle of the night
at 3:15am
as the lights from the computer
blink at my under the desk
as I lay awake on the fold-out couch bed.
It comes, between the lines on the highway
as I drive 70mph watching my odometer
turn to: 191717
It comes in the way my lover looks at me
over his morning coffee
and offers to make me an egg
and toast and
It comes in the newness of dawn
and the roughness of the stones
under my bare feet
as we wade into the frigid river
under the bridge
It comes as pressure, squeezing tight,
with his gentle kiss and his arms
around mine
as we whisper to each other
not knowing when or where or how
It comes in a phone call, an email,
in a side-long glance, a conversation
with a friend as she takes a shower
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