May 31, already

Perhaps I have chosen this state of upheaval

Delusion never did get me anywhere

Duck feathers.

Learning to live with the chaos.

Returning to Love. 

36 years, and then you turn around (Part 1)

Imagine if you were able to reinvent yourself

everyday–

who would you be?

Imagine if you forgot every conversation

you ever had.

Imagine if God were just another word for

longing.

What if I were totally

symmetrical?

Would you still find me interesting?

Today I am a raven.

What will tomorrow

bring?  

The In-betweener

The in-between moments

this period as an essential juncture

A place to stop, look around

and notice

A place to live despite being

uncomfortable

The in-between moments

can be quite rewarding

When my aim is to

self observe

Not going the full distance

is a challenge in and of itself

Because it’s here, at the transition

where growth happens

Standing on my left leg

bare feet, toes gripping my yoga mat

Right hand holding my right foot

knee bent, not fully extended

Push and pull

the muscles prepare and I wait

Patiently noticing

sensations as they arise

The in-between moments

as a place to practice 

Presence of Grace

In this time of weightlessness

when I can’t tell what is real and what is illusion

when the chair across from me seems to

droop and sag

morphing into basset hound eyes

and squirming with discomfort

That I learn to relax

letting go of my grasp on life

It is now that I release my fixation with

fitting round pegs

into square holes

attempting to “make it work”

It is this time that I acknowledge my humanness–

not as an excuse for being

rather as a vessel for transformation

It is in this time of groundlessness

when I half expect my yoga mat

to turn into a flying carpet

that I seek comfort in the unfamiliar

because it is here where I learn to

bask in Grace 

for my mother

as i sit across from her

i am amazed

“do you know what is so awesome?”

i ask

without waiting for an answer

i reply

“that you are my mother and

that i am sitting here with you

that is awesome”

“you chose me”

she said

yes

i thought

and you were the vehicle for my arrival

you carried me for nine months

you showed me how to walk

you listened to me cry

you laughed with me

played with me

and wrote down all the stories i told you

and you still love me today

at 23 you hold my hand and tell me how much you love me

that is amazing 

in thanks of Her

then there are times when tiny phenomenon’s happen

like new life coming into this world

like a gathering of friends around a fire

like telling someone you love them

like receiving flowers

like spontaneous dance parties

like waking up early with the sun

like pancakes

like an unexpected hug

or a smile on stranger’s face

these help to remind me that love exists beyond myself