Hope

Rain today. Grey and wet and hopeful I leave my house to hand in yet another job application. I go into a local coffee shop to ask if they’re hiring, but I already know the answer, “No, sorry” says the man behind the counter. So I buy a cup of coffee, “Just cream, thanks” and fill out an application anyway. There’s no harm in trying I tell myself. I stare out the window of the café and wished I were in Paris. Wished I were away from “real life” and on a wild adventure, not caring, not calculating, not wanting things I cannot have. My id is taking over and I want immediate gratification. NOW! I hate waiting. It’s probably the least favorite thing I have on my list. It shouldn't even BE on the list.
So, now I wait. I wait and I write and I decide to be creative instead of wallowing in despair. I decided to be creative today rather than let mildew grow on my heart and brain while waiting for life to happen to me.
After finishing the last dregs of grounds and milk, I handed over my application and gave the guy unwrapping bagels the most courageous and courteous smile I cold muster. Knowing he was not hiring. In return he gave a genuine grin and his kind eyes gave me hope, maybe, just maybe… give me something I can work with.